you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize