is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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