I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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