Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
