If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
