Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize