I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
