i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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