She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
