we're blogging at a bar
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
