her facebook's as public as her vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
