I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
