i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
