I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
