Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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