i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
