i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
