I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
