Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize