just come out here and I will go home with you...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
