His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
