Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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