awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
