gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
