You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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