When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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