who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
