In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
