don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
