i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
