Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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