Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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