Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
