So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
