I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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