i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
