I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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