he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
