mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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