Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
