if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
