wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
