You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
