I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
