Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
