I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
