: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
