that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
