He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
