How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
