we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize