I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize