Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
