look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
