i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I met the friendliest cop last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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