Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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