are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
