she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
