my phone needs a breathalizer
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
