whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
