I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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