I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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