You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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