I wish I could punch you in the face.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't put those talents on a resume
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
