I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
