I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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