Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
