So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
