you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
