TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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