You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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