im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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