Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
